13
Sep
reblogged 1 day ago @ 09:30 pm with 156 notes via/source
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13
Sep

dietcrush:

did you know soap doesn’t really clean your hands it just makes the water molecules smaller so the water can go into smaller crevices in your skin isn’t that the weirdest shit you’ve read today

reblogged 1 day ago @ 03:07 pm with 194,511 notes via/source
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13
Sep

dutchster:

i accidentally spilled monster energy drink in my fish bowl and now my goldfish won’t stop saying “bro” and keeps flexing it’s fins

reblogged 1 day ago @ 03:06 pm with 305,110 notes via/source
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13
Sep

sexadvicegoddess:

sarcasticlittlefuckk:

standard

I am crying I love this too much

reblogged 1 day ago @ 03:06 pm with 433,753 notes via/source
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13
Sep
shinygays:

Fox News is so incredily diverse. Look at all the color: eggshell, mayo, flour, starch, bleach, cauliflower

shinygays:

Fox News is so incredily diverse. Look at all the color: eggshell, mayo, flour, starch, bleach, cauliflower

reblogged 1 day ago @ 03:06 pm with 81,344 notes via/source
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13
Sep
billcosplay:

i had a book when i was a kid where u could write ur own knock knock jokes and im still laughing at it

billcosplay:

i had a book when i was a kid where u could write ur own knock knock jokes and im still laughing at it

reblogged 1 day ago @ 03:03 pm with 242,757 notes via/source
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13
Sep

lord-kitschener:

“what if the aborted baby could have cured cancer???”

oh my god what if the last egg I bled onto a kotex product could have cured cancer??

oh my god how am I not birthing every possible egg I produce, lest one of those resulting babies be the person who cures cancer/AIDS/creates world peace????

what if that baby could have been a musical artist described by pitchfork as “liberace with a metalcore twist”????

how dare i not be pregnant/birthing all the time always?????

reblogged 1 day ago @ 03:02 pm with 157,350 notes via/source
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13
Sep

i-once-had-a-guy-tell-me:

I once had a drunk guy tell me I was too sexy to be shooting up at a party. He knocked the needle out of my hands and stepped on the pen, shattering the casing, telling me I should thank him by giving him my number and a kiss. It was my diabetes medicine.

(submitted by anonymous)

reblogged 1 day ago @ 03:00 pm with 56,742 notes via/source
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13
Sep

Lie down and look up at the ceiling and breathe with those curiously fragile lungs of yours and remind yourself: Don’t worry. Don’t worry. All is as it was meant to be. It was meant to be lonely and terrifying and unfair and heaving. Don’t worry.

— The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives in Your Home, Night Vale #31.5,”Condos” (via fleurlungs)  
reblogged 1 day ago @ 02:59 pm with 14,424 notes via/source
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13
Sep

nanamukuro:

Aries: dirt pile

Taurus: memer

Gemini: nerdlord

Cancer: ANGRY nerdlord

Leo: feisty young’n

Virgo: strategically draped piece of fabric

Libra: anime trash

Scorpion: le hawt nb yaoiz partner

Sagittarius: cutie patoot but also NEEEEEEEEERD

Capricorn: the coolest cat around

Aquarius: emotional wreck but MY emotional wreck

Pisces: avril lavigne fan

reblogged 1 day ago @ 02:45 pm with 23,672 notes via/source
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#cancer